The last 5 months of my life have definitely been the most challenging in my entire life.
We have become an emergency foster / transition home for kids coming from rough situations. We house the kids until it is safe for them to return to their homes, or until they are able to be transitioned to a long term facility.
Oh yeah, and none of these kids speak English. And we just started studying Thai 8 months ago. So to say that these last 5 months have been challenging, might be a bit of an understatement.
Lots of these kids are coming from situations where they have some major baggage. Alongside of that, they are coming from situations where there has been little to no structure in their upbringing, which often involves them being able to do whatever they want. So though you would think they would welcome our help and want to take steps to a better, healthier, and safe life, our attempts at trying to implement structure, discipline, and good habits are often met with a lot of resistance.
It is so frustrating to pour your lives out for these kids, and try to do what is going to help them in the long run – to just be met with rejection, ungratefulness, rebellion, slammed doors in your face, etc. In the first 5 months, although we definitely had our frustrating times, I still felt able to continue to love and show grace. But after 5 months of this, I feel like I’m wearing down. My wicked heart is coming out. I have just been experiencing more and more frustration, and anger and it’s bleeding into other areas of my lives. How are you supposed to help and serve some people when they don’t even want to be helped?
And then I read this:
The story of Jesus washing the disciples feet. Taken on the place of a servant, and washing the nasty, dirty, feet of 12 dudes. ONE of those dudes being Judas, which right after this act of servitude, Jesus sent him on his way so Judas could BETRAY Jesus.
Yes, Jesus knew Judas would betray Him. And Jesus STILL humbled himself to a position of a servant and washed even Judas’ feet. MINUTES before the act of betrayal.
Jesus knew WE would betray Him. He knew I would betray Him before the world was even created (1 Peter 1:18-20 ), yet God created us anyway, and Jesus still died for us.
Despite the sin, despite the betrayal, despite the dirty feet, He still chose to love.
Jesus, I need you. Help me love like you.